One question people might have for us girls that were abused by this man, is why didn't we speak out sooner. I can't speak for anyone by myself, but I do know how I felt back then and why I didn't go to the police.
First of all, I was young, inexperienced and a little naive. When he told me this (which was anything I felt uncomfortable with, sexual) was what people who love each other do (yes, he claimed he was madly in love with me), he was always so disappointed when I was uncomfortable, and put out the "if you don't do it, I will leave you" card. He made me believe that I had no one, that the people in my life weren't good enough for me, and that he was the only one I should give attention to. Naturally, all my friends thought he was a creep, old weird guy and didn't understand why I was with him. He used this to his advantage and claimed they were just jealous I had a great guy like him - eventually I had no friends left.
I was new to New York City and knew no one but him. After the first rape incident, where I was literally crying and telling him I couldn't do it, he just said "good girl", and fell asleep. The next morning he did it again. I was so confused - this was someone that said he loved me, and I thought I loved him, so could this have been rape? I thought that he was right, this is something grown ups do, I should grow up and be a good girl like he wanted me to. I was confused for days, emotional and I didn't know what to do. If I would have gone to the police, I wouldn't have anywhere to go. I didn't have enough money for a hotel or ticket back to home, so I felt like I was trapped. I didn't have any friends left to consult, so I just stayed with him because he kept telling me how he loved me and would take care of me.
Another reason why I felt like I couldn't go to the police, is because he made me write a letter back when I was 16, claiming I was 18 years old. This was for business purposes, he said, and I believed him. Of course, later I realized that he made me write this letter so if I would ever go to the police - he would show them the letter and tell them I lied to him and that he didn't know I was only 16. Of course he knew.. he had no problem what so ever with the fact that he was 10 years older than me.
So there you have it - I was too weak to speak up. Two years later, I met another girl who was abused by him. We were talking about speaking up, to the press or police, but she bailed out and I was once again alone, with my story I couldn't share with anyone, and decided to move on with my life. That's what I did, until about half a year ago when I read online that he was put in jail. I cried for hours (tears of joy), because I realized I was not crazy, this really had happened, to me and so many other girls, and it was time to step up and go to the police. As I said earlier, I chose not to be involved with the court case, but when they need more information the police in LA knows how to contact me.
In my opinion, these girls must have felt so alone. They had no where to go, and after realizing what kind of person he really is, left him and moved on with their lives. It was not something I liked remembering for years, I rather forgot about it.. I thought who would believe a young girl from a small city like me.. I just felt like no one would listen, that I was alone in this and the best thing was to move on, and that's what I did.
